>Inspiring Your Authentic Week

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Inspiring Your Authentic Week

Being able to love

Posted: 12 Jan 2009 03:03 AM CST

We see a lot of conflict in the world. Conflict in families, conflict in neighbourhoods, conflict in workplaces and conflict between peoples.

Some of this conflict takes the form of angry words or abuse, some takes the form of bombs and missiles.

Of course there is a huge difference between these levels of conflict, and there are also similarities.

The fundamental point is that conflict, anger and aggression occur when we feel unable to be loving – for whatever reason.

There may be many good reasons for our ability to love being compromised, but the simple fact is that conflict, aggression and anger will not make things better. They are more likely to make things worse.

The good news is that our anger/conflict response to our fear, disappointment, frustration etc. is a response we can learn to move on from.

We can learn this at a personal level, we can learn this at an organisational level and we can learn this at a national level.

We can learn to respond to all challenges with love rather than with fear.

In spite of what much of our culture tells us, responding to challenges with love does not imply weakness or even compromise. Responding with love takes enormous courage and strength, because it requires us to face up to our fear, rather than giving in to it.

There is an old shepherd in our village, who is regarded by many as a bit of a nuisance. When we first arrived he caused us some inconvenience by letting his sheep graze in our garden and by interfering in things that we considered to be our business.

It was easy to be riled by him and many neighbours told us stories of how he had irritated them. One neighbour stood out, they told us how he was an old man who had seen a great deal of change and is struggling to cope with it. He is comfortable with the old ways and does not understand how they have largely passed.

He is in his 80’s and has lived through Franco’s fascism, tremendous poverty and the invasion of relatively wealthy foreigners. He has always lived in the same village and has only been to Palma, 30kms away, twice in his life.

He is also enduring the effects of aging, being less physically able and poor eyesight.

As soon as you start to see his actions from his perspective it is far easier to understand his resistance to change and particularly to change brought about by foreigners.

We (mainly my wife) took the advice of our enlightened neighbour and befriended the shepherd. We are still firm with him (having his sheep graze in our garden is not on), but in a loving and respectful way.

To learn to be loving with others we must first let go of our ego for long enough to hear them, to hear their story and to let go of our own fears. To do this we must learn to focus on the positive outcome (beyond any retribution) we wish to achieve rather than on past or present issues.

We must then be the outcome in the present. If we want a more loving relationship, we must be that more loving relationship. If we want a more caring and supportive workplace we must be more caring and supportive. If we want a more peaceful and safer society we must be more peaceful and loving.

Please also note that my neil@authenticbusiness.co.uk e-mail address is no longer working. Please be sure to use neil@authenticis.com and to update your spam filters to accept messages from neil@authenticis.com.

With love


Neil Crofts
inspiration innovation motivation

+44 (0)7775 658534

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About Neil Crofts

Writer, coach and consultant on authentic business and authentic leadership. Neil has inspired and motivated hundreds organisations and thousands of individuals to their highest potential. Neil has written three published books and numerous e-books. Neil is a coach, facilitator and consultant helping people and businesses find their authentic purpose and use it to inspire and motivate them to be everything that they can be. Neil has raced cars, been self-employed, run a company and sold it, been employed by large companies, experienced growth and contraction at the heart of the dotcom boom, tried changing companies from the inside and from the outside as European Head of Strategy at internet consultancy/rock band Razorfish. Neil has been independent for over 10 years and delivered his Authentic Leadership message to a diverse range of business audiences including people at BP, Shell, Microsoft, Kraft Foods, MSN, Jamie Oliver, South Gloucestershire Council, National Blood Transfusion Service, KaosPilots Business School, Fashion company By Malene Birger, German technology company Eleven.
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